My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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