i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
