Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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