so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
His hands were made for my vagina.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
