I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
