why didn't you poke me back
she was so not down for the gang bang
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
