I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i was born a porn star she said
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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