That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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