I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
