I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
