do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
