Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
