the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
