why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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