I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
