Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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