This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
