What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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