I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
