Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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