at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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