Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
