I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
