Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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