can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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