this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
