He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Randomize
