He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
