this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize