Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
