okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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