i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
