the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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