I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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