Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
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He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
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I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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