I'd wear matching sweaters with you
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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