I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
