They should really pass out barf bags in church
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
