Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
