shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
