Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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