Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
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This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize