He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
