I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
