I looked at my own cervix.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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