On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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