I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
