I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
