Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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