omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
