I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
