Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
