I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
