Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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