I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
