So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
