FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
