I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
