How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
