I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
