Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
