He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
