Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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