I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
