is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
