I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Someone shattered a urinal.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
