I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dignity is for republicans.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
