so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
