i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
