dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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