I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
