I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
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ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
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I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You did what with his pubic hair?
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