conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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