he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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