just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
