you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
