a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
