all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
