I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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