Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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