I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
