I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
