I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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